What a Mom Wants: From One Guy to Another

So here we are just a few days from Mother’s Day. And while I’m tempted to pen another post on Social Security, I’ll refrain and speak to a more pressing matter – getting the right gift for mom. With this being a financial blog, I’ll try to keep budgets in mind. But if there are times when you can bust the budget a little, this would be one of them. (Right up there with tickets to The Cure or maybe a Zero Turn Husqvarna 967 Mower.) I don’t know your mother or the mother of your child, but here’s what I do know: She’s a girl. Therefore, she wants to feel special.

“Nope, my mom’s different, she couldn’t care less about…”

“Not my wife, she just wants a glass of wine and a magazine…”

Shhhhh.

Listen to the words coming out of my mouth, “A mom wants to feel special. If your mom’s not a female, then maybe you have a case. (If your mom’s not a female, you’re sitting on a goldmine. Have your people call my people.) But for the rest of us…the clock’s ticking. I’m going to provide you with some gift ideas that didn’t come from some goofball magazine, but rather, straight out of my own personal experience. And remember, learning from someone else’s mistakes is less painful than learning from your own.

1. Don’t buy yourself a $1,700.00 mountain bike for Mother’s Day. Yes, she’d like for you to be healthier and get off the couch more, but this isn’t what she had in mind. INSTEAD: Get her old bike tuned up by a local bike store, buy her a new helmet, and enjoy a leisurely ride through the park – just you and her. No kids. (Love the irony there.) It’s a change of scenery and a chance to feel like kids again. (If she doesn’t have a bike, then I guess she’s the one that gets the new bike.)

2. Stay away from clothes. She knows more of what she wants, how it should fit, what it would go with, etc. INSTEAD: Take her…spontaneously…to her favorite store, with a coffee, maybe, and walk with her as she browses through seemingly endless racks of stuff. Sometimes, moms just like to look. They like browsing. And be there with her while she browses. Don’t stand at the door with a pained look on your face. Jump in there! Get involved! Throw out phrases like: “This would go well with that purse you have”…or “This feels like it would be comfortable, huh?” Or maybe one of my ol’ standbys, “This would look good with flats.” (Flats are shoes. So are pumps, heels and slingbacks…or something like that.) And trust me, don’t ask, “Uh, what time is it?” Share the experience. To know that you’re interested in what she’s interested in? Priceless. Oh, and don’t offer to take her to Victoria’s Secret. You’ll open up Pandora’s Box if you do…from what I’ve been told, anyway.

3. Don’t offer for you and the kids to clean up the house/dishes/bathrooms. As I learned years ago, this is not a gift. I may be out of line here, but you should be doing this anyway. I’m guessing that you live in the house, too, right? INSTEAD: Model for the entire family that it’s “our house, our responsibility.” And while this may not have been modeled for you growing up, I’m guessing you don’t live with your mom anymore. And here’s another one from the “been there, done that” file: Don’t use your shirt as a plate for your potato chips. When you stand up to get more, the crumbs will fall onto the couch…and then there’s the thing with the grease. So unless you want to buy a couch for Mother’s Day, use a plate…and then wash it.

4. Don’t buy a card. INSTEAD: Make your own. And help your kids make one as well. Don’t make it for them, though. Duh. No matter how little they may be, just put the stuff in front of them and let them go. (Note: Don’t let them use Sharpies on the new table.) Maybe it rhymes? Maybe it’s a flashback to a special memory? You don’t have to be someone you’re not, but take a moment to say what she wants/needs/deserves to hear – that she’s special.

5. Don’t just buy flowers. INSTEAD: Buy them and plant them. This is something you can do together and/or with the entire family. Get out and see the sun. Feel dirt squish between your fingers. Feed it, water it, nourish it…all those relationally metaphorical actions. Blah blah blah.

The day’s rant, if you’ll endulge me for a moment…

And here’s an idea. Take whatever time you (and your kids) spend on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TV , and whatever else is invading your family, and INSTEAD: spend it with mom. Lord have mercy, can we please put the phones down? Can we step back from the computer for a few moments? Spend time with her, on her and for her. This is about her. Like her. Friend her. Face her. Book a date with her. Twitter her under the ribs. I’ll stop here.

You get the point. And by no means do I have this market cornered. I likely have more missed opportunities under my belt to make my mom and my wife feel special than I do achievements, but they love me anyway. Another reason to give this day considerable thought. They do what they do expecting little in return. And that’s just one thing that makes a mom special. Show them this year that they are. Allow them to feel special and you’ll both be sitting pretty.

Happy Mother’s Day Moms!
You are special indeed!